FROM THE MAYOR'S OFFICE
Official Statements & Reactions
Brandon Johnson
Chicago's Mayor, part-time crisis manager, full-time blamer of external forces and inherited problems.
"We inherited a broken system. Also, it's not broken."
📺 FOX NEWS MELTDOWN
"Black women critics? On FOX NEWS?! This is worse than I thought! They're supposed to be on OUR side! How dare they question me! This is clearly a racist right-wing conspiracy!"
Brandon Johnson
@MayorBJ • 2 minutes ago
I'm APPALLED! These Black conservative women on FOX NEWS have the AUDACITY to criticize MY administration?! This is clearly a right-wing conspiracy! They're supposed to be on our side!
And that Mickey Scornavacco?! That white mfer all the way up in Lake County writing about SHARKS in Lake Michigan eating Democrats?! Using our beautiful lake for his racist, violent fiction! "Fresh Water"?? More like FRESH CONSPIRACY! This is HATE SPEECH against Chicago!
We did NOT inherit a system that allows sharks AND traitorous Black women critics! UNACCEPTABLE!
📚 Books We Hate (According to Brandon)
🌊 PROBLEMATIC METAPHOR: Uses Chicago as backdrop. Implies crime exists. We reject this narrative.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
⚠️ OFFENSIVE TO CATS: Mocks absurd pronoun ideology. Your emotional support animal may not approve.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
🔥 TRIGGERS SNOWFLAKES: Promotes toxic ideas like free speech and backbone. Proceeds don't go to therapy.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
💀 TOXIC MASCULINITY INSIDE: Suggests men can be strong. The horror! Not approved by any safe space committee.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
🎭 DANGEROUS TRUTH: Exposes how compliance culture controls you. May cause independent thinking.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
🚨 EXTREME PATRIOTISM ALERT: Contains dangerous doses of American pride. May cause spontaneous flag waving.
🚨 ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CLICK HERE 🚨(Amazon Link - Click At Own Risk)
📢 OFFICIAL STATEMENT
"We strongly encourage all citizens to NOT read these books. Reading is a tool of the oppressor. Instead, subscribe to our newsletter and let us tell you what to think."
🤔 WHY THIS IS ALL HAPPENING
These books represent the greatest threat to our narrative: the use of actual data, historical context, and satire. Instead of engaging with ideas, we simply declare them "problematic" and move on. This is far more effective than actual debate.
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Want more political humor? Visit conservative news and conservative shirts at MickeyX3.com